| After this two years, this is the first time I felt really simple and naive. I was so ashamed of my self-importance. Although many would say that I am too good for being the only child but I cant cover anymore of my pride of feeling special from everyone else. From this point on, I can no longer rely on my pride, I need to grow up and get to know and understand my limits. I must learn about my lack of knowledge and especially my laziness. I am just as bad as the whos I used to look down on... I feel so ugly and I have had enough of these.. It feels awful.. I need to get up and grow up
thank God for our new CEO who has opened this blind for me to see this filth in me. |
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| I was giving myself up... for the whole month I refused to do any thing whatsoever for my future... Then I thought of
路是難走，但比起你的十架路我今天算甚麼；來起身再走過，
遇著痛苦，你亦經過世間苦與樂，
你的救贖愛海，我得勝和釋放，
Still remember once I prayed to God... if someone would remind me of this song, then I would walk the rest of my path with him... but this doesn't seem to happen.
Today, I went to his FB again and saw this lyrics and I just can't help myself to blame God. How dare him do this to me over and over again..lol. and how dare I have blamed him about this.
I wanted to do everything to just get on with what I have now.. but I still think of him.. and I even talk to the imaginary him every day to make my sadness go. It's just happened that he likes this song a lot just like I do.
I have faith that God has the best plan for my future and I am sure this is what he would tell me too. My God is always by my side and one day I will have someone close to share this song with me.
凝望著十架的冠冕，
仰望你渡過每天，你體恤我的軟弱，明白我親身處境，
無論遇著困苦憂愁，你亦會在我身邊，
你興起我的生命，我今得到信心面對挑戰。
I shouldn't have moan about him.. this is part of Jesus's plan... and just get up and get on with live. |
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| These days.. I am really really frustrated..
about my phD application.. I need to rewrite my CV so that it's dedicated for my research career... at the same time, the process helped me to organize my thoughts and limits to how I can manage my next 5 years ahead ... this is a real pain.. for the beginning.. but it's also something I have to go through to move on.
I now have one goal, to study a phD in the UK!
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| I really really miss the place where I grew up.
For now, I really want to just run away and get back to England.
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| 2008 is nearly over and it's been over a year since I started working... I tried to prove to myself that my faith would be the same whether I work or study... but my focus has certainly drifted towards many earthly things. I have to thank God for His love never fades, He never judges me by my weakness. In fact He builds me up in where I've fallen.
God is Good All the Time!
I Thank God for my church and fellowship. I am well looked after. |
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